M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
