so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
