he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I touched a dick in church today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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