It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
