Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
