Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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