I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
