My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Randomize
