I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
