If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
