I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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