my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
