The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
