once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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