maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
