We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
