it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
