Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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