I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found puke in my bra..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
