break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
