I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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