do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
