I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
