I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
