I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
