no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
