I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
