Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
