This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
