i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
