My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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