I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
