i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
