I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
