okay pat passed out under dana's car
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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