Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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