He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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