it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick