He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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