Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Thanks for throwing up on me.

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(859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night. (1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me. http://tfl.nu/msvj

Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (1090)
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(513): View more from Ohio

so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.

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(513): so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup. http://tfl.nu/hrhi

Replies (14) Good night (750) Bad night (1259)
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(561): View more from Florida

It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

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(561): It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out. http://tfl.nu/g5y4

Replies (14) Good night (630) Bad night (6272)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

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(405): I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/im6u

Replies (43) Good night (4568) Bad night (763)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

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(304): I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed. http://tfl.nu/knrb

Replies (25) Good night (5697) Bad night (742)
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(231): View more from Michigan

bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

(517): View more from Michigan

Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

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(231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx

Replies (49) Good night (6268) Bad night (1508)
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(806): View more from Texas

A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

(501): View more from Arkansas

Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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(806): A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal" (501): Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him... http://tfl.nu/wsps

Replies (15) Good night (6046) Bad night (844)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

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(617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x

Replies (16) Good night (4596) Bad night (939)
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(480): View more from Arizona

A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

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(480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it. http://tfl.nu/wob5

Replies (11) Good night (8349) Bad night (957)
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(619): View more from California

im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.

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(619): im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull. http://tfl.nu/oak8

Replies (9) Good night (4900) Bad night (879)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips

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(217): I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips http://tfl.nu/378x

Replies (4) Good night (1223) Bad night (653)
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(757): View more from Virginia

The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner

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(757): The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner http://tfl.nu/cdsa

Replies (9) Good night (2098) Bad night (763)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."

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(405): Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin." http://tfl.nu/pbfg

Replies (1) Good night (657) Bad night (418)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.

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(989): I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters. http://tfl.nu/zgo1

Replies (10) Good night (767) Bad night (153)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.

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(225): Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day. http://tfl.nu/xkaq

Replies (3) Good night (548) Bad night (179)

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