Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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