i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
