Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
