i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?