I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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