Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
