I like my sex mixed with concussions.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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