Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
