I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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