Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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