so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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