My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
