and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
