goodnight i made you a song goodbye
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
