They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
