Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
