I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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