i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
