Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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