I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
