dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
