I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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