Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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