Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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