I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
