I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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