wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
