Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
