That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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