Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
