here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i now understand why vodka
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
