please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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