your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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