haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
