oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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