Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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