she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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