You made me cry and you don't even care
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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