The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
