I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
