Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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