the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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