why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
