had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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