I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
