me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
