i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
